Porn | Girl Dislikes Brother's Porn Habits

DEAR STRAIGHT TALK: I'm 15. I share a room with my 17-year-old brother because our mom can only afford two bedrooms. We have a computer in our room and I've noticed him looking at pornographic sites when he doesn't realize I'm paying attention. He has never tried anything sexual with me and I don't think he would, but it makes me nervous sharing a room when he's looking at stuff like this. I've stopped undressing in front of him and now change in the bathroom. I don't want to get him in trouble by telling our mom. What can I do? -- Nervous Sister, Toledo

Omari, 17: The easiest solution is to tell your brother you see him watching pornography. Hopefully he will be embarrassed and cease when you are around -- or, better, stop altogether. Another way to get results is to threaten to tell your mom. I'm not saying to blackmail him, but with a threat looming, he will definitely never let you see him watching porn again. The important thing is that you both show respect for each other. Communication is key.

Nate, 17: I attend an all-boys high school where girls and porn are common topics. But a young man should have boundaries -- especially in a situation like this. If he doesn't control the temptation, tell your mother. Hopefully, she can persuade him to stop.

Justin, 22: Why go to your mom without talking to him first? Yes, looking at porn is quite normal today, but it is not OK to make others uncomfortable, especially -- yikes -- a little sister.

Katelyn, 16: Be frank with your brother. Tell him it's not healthy and it makes you nervous. If he doesn't listen, tell your mom.

Elise, 19: It's not OK to feel uncomfortable in your own home, especially your bedroom. Ask him to refrain when you're there. If he won't, tell your mother.

Chuck, 16: I am anti-porn and don't watch it. However, watching porn is definitely the norm for boys at my school so I'm not surprised by your problem. What I think is happening is that porn has become so common and is so instantly gratifying, with nobody setting limits on it, that when a lot of guys are unable to break the habit, they tend to accept it as a new norm in their life and a trend is born. It's a very difficult habit to break.

FROM LAUREN:

DEAR NERVOUS SISTER: I agree with the panelists. Talk to your brother. If he keeps looking at clips when you're there (or asks you to leave), spill the beans. In the meantime, address the core problem like this: Without implicating your brother, drop articles about pornography on the kitchen table "for a paper you might write." This will get a conversation going -- one every household should be having. The average age of first Internet exposure to pornography is 11. By 15, multiple hardcore exposures are (as Chuck confirms) "the norm." Watching today's gonzo porn is not like keeping a Penthouse under the bed in 1970. Much of popular pornography is stunningly unnatural and/or violent. Also, video has a deeper neurological effect than print -- and, like playing with matches, it especially burns into the pre-pubescent mind.

Sex is natural. Male attraction to visual cues is natural. Video pornography is not. I believe that centuries of sexual repression is helping fuel pornography's popularity. But honest intimate relationships will liberate sexuality, not watching porn stars. Consuming pornography is like trying to nourish oneself with junk food. Parents need to explain this to their children and establish no-porn rules.

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