Saturday, May 21, 2011

Sex | Group Sex Getting Into Full "swing"

The number of couples seeking the intimate company of others appears to bein the thousands: private groups have sprung up in the dozens and at leastseven nightclubs have been started in as many years. What's going on inthis small but steadily popular corner of sexuality? To find out what allthe fuss is about, we went to visit one.

The Fantasy Swingers Club in Prague 18 is one of several places in thecountry that have opened in the last four years to accommodate what waspreviously happening almost exclusively at private parties. Up to 40couples might be found here three nights a week, spread out amonga number of special-purpose rooms and a bar that borders on a largeJacuzzi. The atmosphere that greets you is like being in a disco thatdoubles as a solarium, with the notable exception of the pornos playing onplasma screens. On this Wednesday evening there are about twenty peopleseated around the lounge in various states of dress and undress, mostlywrapped in white sheets, giving the place more than a touch of Pompeii.Andthey are a lot younger than one would expect. Petr Jelek is theclub's owner.

"It's often said that we have the youngest clientele in the CzechRepublic, and I don't mean 18-year-olds, but from 25-years upwards. Andit's a great client group to have, because they will keep coming foryears, they bring new people because they feel more free talking about it,and they don't have the huge prejudices that older generations have,because they are poorly informed. They think it's about having a mass ofpeople, each one with the other, and that's not what it's like.Couplescome here to be with each other, to see and be seen, and first andforemostto have fun, not just to have sex or sexual relations with otherpeople."

The clientele is truly like the people you would see on an average Praguetram stop. Younger, older, fatter, slimmer, more and less attractive. Twoor three new couples come for every party, the owner says, and there areabout 13 parties a month, so swingers are not an endangered species. Somecome every two weeks, some twice a year, like these two 'friends withbenefits'; let's call them Jan and Jana.

Jana: "We met recently and found out that we have the same passion forswinging, so we agreed to meet here, in this club.

Jan: "It's not so many times that I've been in a swingers' club,maybe six times. Mostly I was at private parties."

Jana: "Yeah me too, six times. But over the years. This year maybe threeor four times."

Jan: "I would like to come here often but there is the problem that menare not allowed to come alone."

Even though you've been to clubs like this six times, what was yourgutfeeling when the two of you decided to come here tonight? Was it also fearor only excitement?

Jan: "Yes I think every man is afraid and nervous a little, becausethere are many people and what you're doing every day [at home] you haveto do for all the other people so you'd like to still be "the man"[laughs]. So that's why I think everybody is a little bit afraid."

Jana: "I was more excited than afraid, because I know this club alreadyand I know how it goes here. And I liked [Jan] from the first time I sawhim, so I was not so much afraid as excited."

And have you had any bad experiences in all that time?

Jana: "No, never, only good experiences."

Nothing like this would work for a minute of course without rules. At ClubParadiso in Libe there are 12 - no minors, no single men  being chiefamong them. No phones, no unsafe sex, no drunkenness and most importantlyno means no.

Petra: "Here we have the showers..."

Very luxurious, palm trees and everything.

Petra: "Yeah, like in paradise. Here we have the pool that the peoplecan use. That's a good starting point for people sometimes. They want tostart, but not right away with sex in the playroom, so they go to the pooland maybe it's a good place to meet somebody..."

The owners of Paradiso are Michael, a German, and Petra a Czech; both hadexperience in foreign swingers clubs before they became the first to startone in Prague, seven years ago.

Petra: "Here is the room with the cross. The girl or man is strapped tothe cross and the partner goes away, and..."

Michael: "Sometimes somebody comes and does a little playing. It's oneof the possibilities."

I admit that just coming to a swingers' club for an interview off hoursI find a bit nerve racking " like the participant we spoke to before, amixed feeling of excitement and slight terror at what you're gettingyourself into " like the thrill of walking blindfolded while dreadingwhat you might hit something. That's a very Czech feeling, Michael tellsme.

Michael: "Czech people are more shy."

Petra: "But, we can say, only at the beginning. So the start is a littleslow, everyone is sitting here and waiting for something to happen. Peoplecan come between 9 and 11, so during these two hours people are sittinghere and it looks like a restaurant or a cafe bar " normal " and thenyou turn around and everyone is in the back in the playrooms and it'sempty. So the start is a little slow, but then..."

Michael: "They are very open then."

Petra: "They are very active."

More active than Germans? Or what is different in the Czech Republicthanwould be in Germany?

Petra: "They change partners more, look for more contact with othercouples. And they are less shy than in other countries."

Michael: "In the back, all inhibitions fall down."

Michael: "It was never not accepted here I think, because in this, Czechpeople are very open. When we were on TV, the feedback was big, it wasgreat, and we were surprised about it. I personally have never heard anynegativity. Maybe someone says 'it's nothing for me', but I'venever heard any negativity."

Petra: "I think here in the Czech Republic, if you say I'm going to aswingers' party with my partner, it's nothing special, and not asproblematic as if you say you are gay."

Swinging is nothing new to the world, obviously, and there is little pointin recapitulating all the risks again here " they-'re the same in theCzech Republic as anywhere else: disease, divorce and whatever else youchose to add as per your own moral view. In both clubs we visited theowners said that they pay special attention to people who are old enoughlegally but too young mentally to see what they're getting in to.Adults will do as they please though, as do Petra and Michael, and theyfrequently emphasise that this lifestyle is not for just anybody.

Michael: "When they have rules agreed on between themselves, then theynever have any trouble, they have a nice night and then they try it againand try it again, and every visit they go a little bit farther andfather... I think that's even the best way."

Petra: "To start slowly."

Do you think this is something just any couple over 35 as you saidshouldtry?

Both: No.

Michael: They must have a good partnership, they have to not be onlypartners but also friends, and when their partnership is not okay, then itcan break everything.

Petra: "When somebody is jealous. You can't be jealous and go to aswingers' party. It can happen that somebody will touch your wife orshowinterest in having sex with your wife, and some people are not into it, orjealous. Then a bad situation can happen."

But there must be people who really think that they are notjealous.

Petra: "Of course. Everything is theory until the moment you come to theswingers' party. Then you realise the reality here."

Michael: "I think it's different for everybody. Everybody hasdifferent dreams, everybody has a different art of sexuality. Some couplesare looking to change partners and for more people together, and somepeople say we just want the atmosphere, maybe just touch... it isdifferentfor everyone."

Petra: "But for new couples who are here for the first time, we tellthem just to enjoy the atmosphere and just watch the other couples. Butforpeople who are here for the first time, I think it's a very excitingsituation, to see couples making love one metre behind you. It's nevergoing to happen in your own flat."

For those assembled at Fantasy, looking like normal bar patrons except fortheir togas, drinking Champaign and chatting, the benefits " or ratherthe fulfilment that will come later in the evening is worth the risks.

JAN: "I had a girlfriend, and we really loved each other, and we alsoenjoyed this kind of fun because it was something more for us, it wassomething like going to the cinema; we enjoyed it together, and we enjoyedthat the other enjoyed it. Afterwards, when we came home, we enjoyed iteven more, because we could talk about it, we could enjoy it again, butjust together. So it gave us more than if we just stayed at home every dayand had sex only with each other, and then spend the days watching to seewhether he or she is going to talk to some other guy. Go and talk withhim,have fun, because when you have fun I am having fun too. It's just abouttrust. If you trust that she, after having fun and sex with somebody elsehere, will come back. And because of this trust, and because you love eachother, then you know that she'll come back."

JANA: "I was in love and we had a really serious relationship, and weliked to go to the swingers club just to have sex together. We didn'tshare, but we liked that we had other people watching us. So it didn'tdestroy anything at all. I would be jealous, he would be jealous, if weshared, but we just liked the atmosphere " we liked going and having sexin front of other people, and so it was all about this."

Why do you think a person wants to have sex in front of other people?What's your explanation for the psychology behind it?

JANA: "It's exhibitionism. Maybe it's about self-confidence. Maybeit gives you more self-confidence, or the feeling that you are somebody...good? I don't know, I can't explain it. My boyfriend at that time wasreally nice and handsome, so people like to watch us, and it excited them,so, why not?"

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