Some things about a successful marriage are universally true. It offers the couple a lifelong friendship, the committed support of a loved one and, in many cases, the blessing of children.
But, when boiled down to its most basic elements, marriage is a legal relationship. It is a contract. And with it comes legal rights, responsibilities and safeguards that impact every aspect of a couple's daily lives. For most New Yorkers, these rights and protections are a "given" that we take for granted: securing health insurance for our family; filing a joint tax return; sharing child custody or visitation if our marriage fails; and being able to make critical health care or "end of life" decisions when the time comes.
But, in New York, tens of thousands of same-sex couples are denied these basic legal rights and protections.
They are treated as second-class citizens under our law, suffering indignities no one should have to bear.
The debate over gay and lesbian marriage is often clouded by emotions, religion or morality. And while healthy debate should be encouraged in a free society, make no mistake: same-sex marriage is a matter of basic equal rights.
Proposed legislation doesn't require clergy to perform marriage ceremonies or force any religion to sanction same-sex marriages, but simply provides legal equity to same-sex couples who wish to marry.
Denying a marriage license to gay and lesbian partners not only violates one of the basic principles on which our country was founded, it can bring real harm into the lives of a committed couple and their children.
There are many examples of the devastating impact that results from this unfairness. A gay couple may be unable to obtain at work health insurance to cover their whole family, thereby exposing them to catastrophic medical expenses. Even when they can obtain insurance, they are forced to pay additional taxes on the insurance. And when the non-biological, non-adoptive parent takes a child to the emergency room - if her partner (the biological parent) is away - the hospital staff is not obligated to follow the parent's directions or to keep her informed of medical decisions, and can even prevent the parent from seeing the child, no matter how strong the bond is between parent and child.
Moreover, same-sex couples have no inheritance rights under New York law. A sad and poignant reminder of this inequity occurred in 2008 when a New Yorker in a committed relationship died before changing his will to reflect the relationship. The will gave everything to charity, leaving the grieving survivor - who was economically dependent on his life's partner - in dire financial shape. If these New Yorkers could have married, the survivor would have been able to claim one-third of the estate. Instead, he got nothing.
Some opponents of same-sex marriage have argued that achieving equality under the law is possible if the partners sign legal paperwork governing child care, health care, real estate, inheritance or similar matters. Experience says otherwise.
In 2007, a lesbian couple and their children were on vacation when one suffered a catastrophic stroke. They had a living will, a power of attorney and an advanced directive. However, as the woman lay dying in a Florida hospital, her partner was denied the most basic medical information and the children could not see their mother. As a result, the family was not even with her when she died.
Civil unions or domestic partnerships are not acceptable alternatives. Because they do not and cannot achieve equality, the New York State Bar Association has rejected this "separate and unequal" two-class system.
Ironically, courts in New York State already give limited recognition to marriages reached between gay and lesbian couples in other states. So, in essence, same-sex couples can be married in New York, they just can't get married in New York. It is time to put an end to this hypocritical double standard.
A basic principle of our justice system is equality for all - not just for some.
That's why the State Bar joins Gov. Andrew Cuomo in calling on the Legislature to end to these state-sanctioned discriminatory practices. We urge the legislative leaders to bring to a vote a bill legalizing same sex marriage in our state.
Separate and unequal must no longer be tolerated in New York.
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