Hot Sex | Cougar Camp, Where Hot Older Women Chase After Young Male Counselors? Well ...

By JEFF EDELSTEIN
jedelstein@trentonian.com

Popping up on my Twitter feed the other day from Katie DeVito, local PR maven and social media guru, was a simple, humorous message: "Sign reads ‘Cougar Sports Camp.’ Makes ya think doesn’t it?"

Yes Katie DeVito. It does make me think.

I mean, a sports camp for cougars? Zow-wee!

(Quick lesson in lexicon: Cougars are older women, either single or divorced, who are on the "prowl" for younger men. Famous cougars include: Demi Moore , Mrs. Robinson , and Kim Cattrall in "Sex in the City." And in real life. That Kim Cattrall! Anyway, cougars are generally hot. If they’re not hot, they’re known as "raccoons." OK fine. I made that up about the racoons. But still. Cougars: Grrrrrwl.)

So this sign - a billboard, really - is located at the intersection of Rt. 322 and East State Street in Newtown. I checked it out, and immediately began wondering about the day-to-day at Cougar Sports Camp. For instance, maybe the cougars engaged in javelin throwing, but they are aiming for hot young male counselors, and if they hit them, they get to take them back to the bunk ... or maybe regular old football, with the counselors as the steady QBs, except the cougars keep fighting over who gets to play center.

Or maybe ...

Archery. The cougars get help getting their bows plucked. (Walking the line on that one there, eh?)

Anyway, the list of possibilities of games cougars could play was really endless, and so I engaged my Facebook team to come up with some other sports for these older woman to enjoy this summer. A partial rundown:

The 100 meter butterfly trampstamp and the decay-thalon, both offered up by Bob Smythe ... · The Last Call Hook-Up Speed Round Game, courtesy of Dianna Fazekas ... Diana also thinks the bucking bronco rodeo ride would be a big hit ... there would be plenty of Shakeweight training, pointed out Carl Ceposki ... ice hockey, as it would "cool them off during hot flashes," mentioned Susan Condron Belzner ... a spirited game of "pin the alimony on the ex," says Chris Illuminati ... co-ed wrestling, Nancy Jankowski Stymacks came up with, and Ron Bogdan hit upon an interesting trio: Twister, pole vault and broad jump. (Get it? BROAD jump?)

Really, a tremendous job, folks. I mean, "100 meter butterfly trampstamp" is just some inspired stuff.

Of course, as with most things too good to be true, no matter how much you wish they were true, because if they were true you’d be very excited to cover such a story for a local newspaper, this "Cougar Sports Camp" is not, alas, for actual cougars. (Or the actual animal, for that matter.) It’s just the name given to a sports camp run by Steve Haines, who teaches at Newtown Friends School when he’s not running his camps.

"We’re a sports camp for kids, teaching kids, developing self-confidence, developing skills, helping them take their game to the next level," Haines said. "We’ve been doing camps at the the George School (in Newtown) campus for about 18 years. We pack the school each summer. We’ve got day camps, sports camps, a wide variety of things for them."

And incredibly, no one else has EVER confused the Cougar Sports Camps for, well, cougar sports camps.

"Nope," Haines said. "You’re the first."

Read Jeff Edelstein every Sunday, Monday, Wednesday and Friday. He can be reached at jedelstein@trentonian.com , facebook.com/jeffreyedelstein and twitter.com/jeffedelstein .

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