Sex | Sex Education: Taking The Right Approach

IN TOUCH

Generations of parents have come to know the awkward experience of having their young child ask: Where do babies come from? After all, talking to one's offspring about anything related to sex is still somewhat taboo, especially in many Asian cultures. But youngsters are going to learn about sex eventually, so it's important for their parents to seize the opportunity to give them the right kind of sex education.

Much of a parent's discomfort comes from equating the "sex" in "sex education" with sexual intercourse, which in reality is a very minor part of what kids need to be taught. Sex education - or sexuality education to be more precise - should cover a range of gender-related issues, from why children are born male or female to understanding the so-called third gender.

The teaching can begin during a child's pre-school years with a discussion about how the child will grow and develop depending on his/her gender. As the child gets closer to becoming a teenager, parents can discuss the concept of love, the physical and emotional aspects of puberty and his/her expectations of teenage life. The primary goal of sexuality education is to raise a child who knows how to relate to members of the opposite sex and treat them properly, and to give children the tools they'll need to make future relationships successful.

Some parents believe it's better to put off sex education until their children are well into their teens, but I think that's a mistake. Children begin to develop an understanding of sex, subtly yet gradually, at an earlier age than many parents realise.

In the first three years of life, toddlers learn primarily through touching things around them, including their genitals and anus. During this early period, parents should teach them how to clean these areas properly. Some parents actually scold their children for touching these "dirty" parts; unfortunately, this can create a misconception in the child's mind about their sexual organs, one that can have lasting, harmful effects.

Around about the time children reach the age of eight, they usually show possessive feelings toward the opposite-gender parent. This represents a good opportunity to teach the child about the opposite sex. Fathers and mothers need to set good examples during this period, as children become more aware of the differences between men and women.

So what about youngsters being raised by one parent? It helps to expose children in single-parent households to substitute role models, such as relatives or close friends.

In my own case, after losing my father when I was five, it was my uncle who became the male figure in my life.

Characters from books and stories can also serve as role models. It is common for children to take on traits of their favourite fictional characters. That's another reason why parents must think carefully about the kinds of media to which they allow their kids to be exposed.

The "third gender" issue receives quite a bit of attention in Thailand's mainstream media which, for the most part, portray them as fun, interesting people. This can raise the possibility of overly encouraging or glorifying the third gender to younger children. My thinking stems from the fact that China, with a population of 1.2 billion, has a smaller number of third-gender citizens than Thailand which, I believe, is due to China's stricter media censorship.

There's no proven counter-measure to this problem. By the time a parent begins to notice signs in a child, it's probably too late. What parents can do is to raise the best child possible and be prepared to show acceptance of their offspring.

Schools have an important role to play in providing sex education to students. From my experience, I think there's still room for improvement. Some teachers still labour under the misconception that sex education is about biology and physiology - important topics, of course, but only a small part of what should be covered. Predictably, this type of approach causes students to put up a wall and tune out.

When I'm invited by a school to give a lecture to its students, I never go with the intention of teaching or preaching. Regardless of their age or grade, I ask the students question after question until I'm satisfied with the answers. This method works well because the answers don't come from me; the kids are more likely to listen to the answers because they come from other pupils - their friends and peers.

The most important prerequisite for teaching sex education effectively is to have faith in your students and - even more importantly - to have faith in your own perspective. There should be little to worry about as long as parents and educators have their facts right and keep the children's best interests at heart.

Dr Pansak Sugkraroek is a reproductive endocrinologist at Bumrungrad Hospital.